


The Inquisitor was HILARIOUS

by Wayward_Gurl



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, One Shot, Parody, Stand-Up Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10651914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Gurl/pseuds/Wayward_Gurl
Summary: One-Shot. Inquisitor Maxwell Trevelyan attempts a form of stand-up comedy in the Herald's Rest, and Cullen was not amuse.





	The Inquisitor was HILARIOUS

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Maxwell hesitantly walked on this impromptu stage: basically just the fireplace and the old rug. He had every person's undivided attention that early evening after Varric announced to the whole Skyhold that the Inquisitor was going to perform.

 

Perform what? Maker, he did not know where to begin.

 

Everyone had quieted down, except for a few from the Chargers, whistling and encouraging him to speak.

 

"First off… Why did I agree to do this?" Max began and the whole room was silent. "Because Varric said I needed a hobby other than killing demons, sealing rifts, taking down Magisters, and jumping off the balconies of Skyhold of which I'm sure you've all…notice."

 

The audience gave a few chuckles as some were there at those horrific moments where they had thought the Inquisitor was committing suicide, yet he landed safely.

 

"So he thought it'd be best if I tell a story, and I ask him, well, what story? And he asked me that I should share a little secret," Max said. "And you know what? I do have a secret. I have this secret that I have been doing this… Hahahahahaha…. This activity whenever I had the opportunity to do so. And let me tell you how it started. It started with the Commander, Cullen, just yelling at you all--my soldiers here in this tavern---as new recruits and were holding swords and shields for the first time… And we all know he would say things that would try to motivate you or embarrass you, and so I thought… Why not give it a shot?"

 

Max prepared himself. "So… One day. I went out and I knew Cullen was in the Chantry building, talking to our Lady Josephine and that's when I struck…" He cleared his throat audibly and called out in the most excellent impersonation of Cullen, though a bit out of character. "Oye! My grandma can swing better than that! If my grandma were here, you'd be dead!"

 

Then the whole tavern roared with laughter, some finding it funny, but most were amazed as the Inquisitor sounded exactly like the Commander.

 

Max continued, "That's not how you eat cookies, you should stuff them in your face!...Quickly! To the trebuchets!"

 

Laughter ensued more.

 

"I could keep going with this, but there's this one time where I think I might have crossed the line. I was in the hallway, and there was this lady of nobility---I do not wish to give out any names so let's call her Lady Belle. Lady Belle has an infatuation of Cullen, and I was on the other side of the door, knowing she was there… I called out… Lady Belle. Oh. What amazing hair she has, it is just as Maker-gifted as mine."

 

The tavern did their best to keep their laughter muffled as the Inquisitor continued, "You know. I think I shall ask Lady Belle to marry, if she comes into my office! …And then I ran out of there, and hid in the corner as she sprinted down to Cullen's office---"

 

"That was you! You started that?!" Cullen shouted with shock as he was there at the entrance of the Herald's Rest. Mostly everyone was shocked, but the inner circle, especially the Bull and his chargers were uproariously laughing.

 

Max coughed a bit. "Cough. Oh. I'm feeling sick right now. We should end it here for tonight." Then with that, he bolted through the back door and Cullen made pursuit.

 

"Wait a moment! Inquisitor!!"

 

The tavern was filled with laughter and a whole new round of drinks were served.

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End file.
